My favorite travel apps

I was a little late to the smartphone bandwagon, but when I jumped on, I jumped and hung on for dear life.  I love being able to do super important things wherever I go, such as stalking people on Facebook and keeping up with Grumpy Cat.

My smartphone has also become a pretty important tool for me in my travels.  With wifi being available in so many places, I can actually do less preparation for traveling.  I can be lazy, and that's awesome. I can also save money and time, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't mind being able to do the same thing.  The brilliant Jason Hull of Hull Financial Planning had a great post recently on travel apps and websites to help you save moolah and time in your travels.  I've used many of the ones he lists, and he's right on.  But besides saving money and time, I still need to be lazy.  And talk to friends and family back home.  And not strain my brain with strenuous tasks like math.  So listed below are some of the apps that allow me to do all these things.  This probably means I'm just allowing myself to get dumber, but whatever.

XE Currency (free)
This is one rockin', easy to use currency converter.  If your phone has a data connection, it will automatically update with the latest rates.  You can pick and choose what what currencies you want in your own currency list, including your base, or "from" currency.  It's super easy to enter the amount and convert it into your home country's currency.  It displays the current conversion rates and tells you when it last updated the rates.  But the bottom line is, it's just ridiculously easy to use.  Even if you're not connected to the internet, it will calculate conversions based on its last update.  Math is hard, kids.  Let this app do it for you.

Talkatone (free)
I used the crap out of this app when I went to Chile last year.  To start, you'll need a Google Voice phone number and the Google Voice app on your phone. Talkatone works through Google Voice. Then all you need is to find a wifi hotspot and call home to the US or Canada for free.  Yeah, FREE.  You can gchat through this thing, too.  And unlike some other similar apps, it doesn't matter if the person you're talking too is using the Talkatone app - you can call any US or Canadian number totally free of charge.  Also, since you're doing this over a data network or through wifi, you won't be using up your precious cell phone minutes.

Gate Guru (free)
You've just gone through security when the sushi craving hits.  You're sitting in the terminal cursing the day you bought that ticket for a 5:35AM flight and would give your left arm for a coffee from Dunkin' Donuts.  Your flight has been delayed for the fourth time, and if you don't get a margarita in the next 10 minutes, you're going to kill a toddler. Do they have any of that in this airport?  Will the life of the next toddler that walks by be spared?  Well, Gate Guru can answer those questions.  It has information on food offerings in airports all over the world organized by terminal or concourse, including user reviews.  It also provides other cool info like flight statuses, weather at the airport, estimates security line wait times, etc.  But I'm just happy knowing that when there's a tequila emergency, this app saves children's lives.

Waze (free)
Why, WHY did I buy a Garmin GPS just a year ago?  Now that I have Waze, I'm never using that thing again.  Waze is a GPS navigator that uses real time traffic information to send you the fastest possible way to your destination.  If traffic changes up and another route becomes faster, it'll re-route you.  It relies on real time info from other Waze users on the road to determine what roads are clear and what roads will make you want to pull your hair out. But it also does other cool stuff like warn you if there's police activity ahead, a car on the side of the road, and it'll even tell you if there's been rain reported ahead.  It also gives you the option to confirm or deny whether the stuff it warns you about is there.  Cops no longer in the spot it reported?  You can tell Waze that they're gone.  This app rules.  It will suck your phone battery down, but if your car is cooler than mine and you have a cigarette lighter that actually works, you can just keep your phone plugged in and charged.

iTranslate (free)
This handy little sucker will translate words and phrases from over 60 different languages.  You can copy and paste text into it, type into it, even speak to it for translations.  Now, you do need to be connected to the internet somehow for this to work on the fly, but when I was traveling around and didn't have wifi access, I just pre-translated words or phrases I thought I might need and pasted them elsewhere for easy access.  But when you do have internet access, boom - this thing rocks.

If you have any apps that you love and rely on to save time/money/brain effort while traveling, please feel free to mention them in the comments!

So how about not traveling?

Not traveling?  WTF, that’s what this blog is all about, right? 

Yes, yes, it is.  But sometimes an argument can be made for not traveling and staying right where you are.

I’m 33 years old, and except for only two occasions, I’ve always, always spent Thanksgiving with my extended family (and immediate family when I had one).  And those two occasions were pretty darn awesome, themselves - I spent one Thanksgiving in New York because I got to march in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in a fat, ruffly antebellum dress, and the other I was having a gut-busting blast studying abroad in Scotland. 

But Thanksgiving season is one of the busiest travel periods of the entire year.  Everyone and their mother hits the road, the train, or the skies to be able to stuff their faces full of turkey and dressing (or stuffing if you’re a Yankee) alongside their loved ones, then try not to pass out from food coma while watching football.  It’s a great tradition, but it can be a pain in the ass to get to that point. 

Most of my family lives within just a couple of hours of each other.  I live 1,000 miles away.  So I can spend about 14 hours on the road if I choose to drive.  I’m nuts, but I’m not that crazy.

Or I can fly.  The most convenient airport to most of my family is serviced by only one airline that shall remain nameless* (ahem, DELTA), and that airline charges an arm, a leg, a pint of blood, and a first-born child to fly down there for Thanksgiving.  That doesn’t exactly go on my list of things to be thankful for.

This year, Chris and I were planning on driving down to Alabama for the whole week - see some family (especially my grandmother), see some friends, and yell at the TV as Auburn University gets the holy hell beaten out of them by Alabama in football.  But after looking carefully at our schedules, we realized that a week away simply wasn’t going to work.  So driving a total of 30 hours?  Not the best idea.  Perhaps fly?  Hahahaha! Yeah.  Look at the paragraph above.

Ok, so driving by myself isn’t going to happen.  Last-minute flight availability is crappy and costly.  And my family is going to be rather spread out this year, anyway.  

So last night, I made the decision to forgo the travel down south.  I’ve never been in this situation before, and it feels incredibly strange knowing that for the first time in my life, I’ve essentially chosen not to spend it with family.  But by making this choice, I don’t have to deal with Amateur Day at the airport, overbooked flights, and being forced to babysit a stranger’s children on the plane.  

I also won’t get to see my grandmother strutting her stuff with a walker and a shotgun.  But that’s ok - I think I’ll fly down after Thanksgiving and visit with her then.  I don’t need a major holiday as an excuse to go visit family.  They are reason enough to go visit - at any time.

*just kidding.  I’m totally calling them out.

Dear TSA: sorry about that...

After kind-of-but-not-really complaining about a few of my innocent belongings that rose suspicions from the TSA, I suppose I should be fair and admit to a few not-so-innocent items that I accidentally went through a security checkpoint with and didn’t get caught.  They key word here is “accidentally” - you know, in case John Pistole is reading my blog.  

1. Pepper spray.  I used to keep pepper spray on my keychain, and while getting ready for a particularly early flight (like, before 10am) to Alabama one morning, I was all fuzzy-brained from the early hour winning over my mild caffeine consumption.  I totally forgot to take it off my keychain.  Oops...
2. Pepper spray - again.  Well, I made it down to Alabama with it, so why not see if I could get back home with it?  The pepper spray made the round trip without even a glance from security.
3. Cuban cigars.  Ok, those totally weren’t an accident.  I mean, no one *accidentally* packs Cubans in their suitcase.  
4. Tube of Vaseline.  You should know after reading this post that I freakin’ love Vaseline.  It’s the best defense against dry skin and chapped lips that I’ve ever found.  I will go to great lengths to keep Vaseline within arms reach, and I am not even slightly ashamed to admit that. Which means that this one wasn’t actually an accident either...
5. Huge tube of lip gloss.  Hey, I’m a girl, and I like a little makeup, ok?  I’m also lazy, and I don’t want to have to dig around for my ziplock baggie full of miniature liquid products in order to make my lips look shiny and fabulous.  So I keep the lip gloss in a more accessible location, which is pretty much anywhere but in that stupid ziplock bag (I hate that rule).  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so this one was no accident, either.  

Ok, FINE.  Only the pepper spray was an accident, and that was only an accident the first time.  I don’t have any sinister plans involving Vaseline and cigars - I promise.  I just want to win the war against chapped lips and perhaps enjoy a nice cigar or 3 along the way.  

How to get TSA to dislike your carry-on bag

I'm sure you've seen that poor TSA screener - the guy sitting next to the x-ray machine trying to distinguish what's in your stuff from the image the x-ray shoots at him.  He must have extraordinary concentration abilities.  I do not.  I would either get fired, or a plane would blow up because of me.  And then I would definitely get fired.  And you have to be a very, um, "special" person to get fired from a government job.

Thanks to this screener's training and lack of ADD, I've had my bag searched for some rather silly things, though.  Well, I think they're silly.  Here are the top 5 things in my luggage that have set off someone's danger radar at a checkpoint:

1.  A jar of peanut butter.  Yes, peanut butter apparently looks very dangerous when packed in a suitcase.  Why pack peanut butter for a trip?  Because it is wonderfully tasty and delicious.  No other reason needed.  Peanut butter rocks.

2.  That mini bottle of lotion that you threw in your bag as you left your hotel room for the airport.  Yeah... they don't like that very much.  But I don't like dry hands.

3.  A pitch pipe.  You think my middle C is dangerous?  Wait until you hear my F sharp!  Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid.

4.  A CD walkman. Hey, it was a long time ago, ok?  Never mind that I still probably have that thing in a storage container somewhere...

5.  A tub of Vaseline.  Don't judge.  My skin is seriously dry, yes I put Vaseline on it, and I don't care what you or TSA think about that.

So there you have it.  If you try to carry any of the above items with you onto an airplane, expect to make friends with the TSA agent(s) at your nearest friendly checkpoint.  Just try to remember that your new friends are actually paying attention to their job.  Happy flying, y'all.

How to make TSA love you

Anyone that has flown in the past 10 or so years has probably complained about the TSA - a lot.  Sure, going through the security checkpoint is a gargantuan pain in the ass.   The lines are long, the family in front of you can’t find half their IDs and their children are screaming, and dad is somehow shocked that he has to take off his shoes, coat, AND belt.  A flight crew of 6 people comes up and cuts in front of you, and the TSA agents operating the checkpoint look like they’d rather shotgun a can of battery acid than look at one more x-ray image.  Then, there are stories of TSA agents that somehow think it’s a good idea to do stuff like this.  

But have you ever thought about what it’s like to be a TSA agent?  They constantly deal with irate, ignorant, and belligerent people all while trying to carefully match IDs to boarding passes and meticulously check x-ray images of people and bags for potential issues.  After telling people over and over again that yes, they have to take off their belts and take their laptops out of their bags, I’d lose my mind.  The TSA agents have to do this every day in a polite (well, polite enough) manner all while ensuring that our nation’s skies are safe.  Quite frankly, I don’t want that responsibility on my shoulders.  Also, I don’t deal well with stupid people.

All of us that ever pass through a security checkpoint can make our own experience less frustrating if we put forth a little effort to make things easier on the TSA agents.  The biggest thing that we can do is simply know what to expect at the checkpoint.  If you don’t know that you need to have your carry-on liquids limited to 3.4oz containers, that you need to halfway strip at the checkpoint, and that you really do have to take those pennies out of your pocket, then please drive to your destination instead.  Or take a boat.  Whatever.  

But there is one more thing that we can do that I just discovered today.  At the ID check, I presented the agent with my driver’s license and held my phone up to the scanner so that it could read my mobile boarding pass.

TSA agent: “I wish everyone had those.”

Me, slightly confused: “What... the mobile boarding passes?”

TSA agent:  “Yeah.  Makes my life a whole lot easier.”

Mobile boarding passes aren’t an option at all airports, but they’re supported at most larger airports in the US.  I like using them whenever I can because it’s one less thing for me to keep up with.  Also, my printer sucks (I like to have my passes in hand before I get to the airport).  So there you go - another, less obvious option to make the screening process easier for us all. Go mobile and make some TSA agent’s day.

I am a genius and would like a cookie, please

I am completely and shamelessly addicted to my smartphone.  It is not something I need at all, but I really, really, really like it, so I suck it up and pay the ungodly cost each month.  It’s a horrible distraction, but it can come in so handy, and that’s how I justify paying for it.

Ok, that’s really not a valid justification.  I’m utterly vain, and I want an internet connection in my pocket.  There, I said it.

One of the things I love about having a smartphone is the ability to use an electronic boarding pass to fly around the country in these pressurized, engine-powered tin cans.  But most smaller airports around the US don’t have the scanners that can read electronic boarding passes, so I’m often forced to print off my passes on this old-fashioned product called paper.  

If I’m forced into this scenario, I prefer to print my passes at home so that I can get to the airport as late as humanly possible and still get on the plane.  But printing my passes at home means using up something like 6 sheets of paper.  Seriously?  It’s a boarding pass - not my master’s thesis.  Why are the airlines tacking all this extra crap onto something that necessitates nothing more than my name, flight number and departure time, and a barcode?  

Oh, right.  Advertising.  Hmph.  &$%*ing tree killers.  

And then recently, I noticed a link in minuscule print at the very bottom right corner of the browser window that contained my boarding passes:  “Print without weather and destination highlights.”  

Ah HA!  I felt like I had discovered the holy grail of aviation.  I clicked on the link, and my boarding passes magically shrunk to one page apiece.  This discovery made me far happier than it should have.  I wanted a trophy honoring my mad internet skills.    Oh, who am I kidding - I still want a trophy. Or at least a cookie.  I love cookies.

If you’ve never seen this little (and I do mean little) link on your computer when your boarding pass loads, scroll to the bottom and check it out.  You’re welcome.  If you have seen this before and you’ve known about it for years, then please don’t tell me because I want to keep thinking that I’m a computer genius.  

Now if you’ll excuse, me, I’m off to find myself a cookie.

Best U.S. airports, also according to me

Now that I've gotten what I have deemed this country's worst airports out of the way, here are the ones that I consider among the best.  Again, I haven't experienced all the airports in the U.S., but then again, this isn't an official list or anything.  So without further ado...

Reagan National Airport (Washington, D.C.):  I want to hug this airport.  I want to love it and squeeze it and call it George.  It is a mere 5 miles from downtown DC.  It has its own metro stop, making it cheap and easy to get to and from.  If I’m feeling lazy, a taxi can have me home in 15 minutes. Except for the very early morning hours, the security lines here are practically non-existent.  The place is half deserted on the afternoon before Thanksgiving.  It’s glorious.

Charlotte-Douglas International Airport (Charlotte, NC):  If I have a long layover, CLT is where I want to be.  Large windows, rocking chairs, and trees are located just about everywhere.  Don’t knock the rocking chairs - they are fabulous.  The main food court has a sushi bar and live piano music.  It’s almost a shame that flights here seem to generally take off and land on schedule.  Despite having more layovers here than I can remember in recent memory, I can’t remember a single significant delay.  Score.

Baltimore-Washington International Airport (Baltimore, MD): If you can’t easily make your way to BWI within the DC/Baltimore region, you are a complete travel amateur (sorry).  It is serviced by light rail, Amtrak, a commuter train line called MARC, and multiple bus systems.  And if you’re driving, the BWI parking garages have a sensor system that tell you how many open parking spots are in each level and row.  How brilliant is that? Plus, prices at BWI can often be the best deal in the metro area, and security lines aren’t nearly as long and annoying as they are at Washington Dulles.

Panama City International Airport (Panama City, FL):  It’s brand new, not at all crowded, easy to get in and out of, and Southwest has deemed it worthy of their presence.  Plus, world-class beaches are just a few minutes away.  This place is one big WIN.

Worst U.S. airports, according to... me

I have by no means experienced all the airports in this country, but I’ve had to trudge my way through a few.  And since this list of the bottom-of-the-barrel U.S. airports is based on my own personal experience, it is horribly biased and unscientific.  But anyone who's flown a few times probably has a list of their own like this.  That said, here are my top 5.. er, bottom 5.  Whatever.

Washington Dulles International Airport: Give yourself a gold star if you manage to arrive here in time to catch your flight.  The traffic on nearby I-66 is usually abominable.  A taxi from downtown DC will set you back about $80. The economy parking lot is in West Virginia (ok not really, but it feels like it).  Checking in for an international flight can take up to 2 hours.  But there is good news - the airport just underwent a major renovation and upgrade!  The old, bizarre mobile lounges that used to transport passengers between terminals have been replaced by a train.  However, there is also bad news - the re-design of the security checkpoint that was needed to accommodate the new train design makes the security lines longer than ever.  Have fun catching that flight to Copenhagen.

Miami International Airport:  Check-in at MIA is a clusterf*ck.  They’re tricky bastards there - think you’re in line to get your boarding pass?  Fool!  You’re actually in the line to have your luggage shrink-wrapped.  And speaking of luggage, don’t check a bag if you would like to see it ever again.  Once you have successfully checked in (it will take you about 3 tries to find the correct line to stand in), best of luck navigating the sheer mass of humanity to get to your gate.  May the force be with you.


Orlando International Airport:  The security lines snake around every conceivable nook and cranny, screaming children run amok, and you can’t even close your eyes without seeing something related to Disney.  It’s my own personal hell.

Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport:  if you are here, you are flying Delta.  My sympathies.  Your flight is also delayed. There is no need to check the Departures board.  Trust me, your flight is delayed.  Good luck finding a place to park your butt while you wait.  If you end up stuck overnight, you will need divine intervention to find a hotel room. 

Dothan Regional Airport (Dothan, AL): This airport, which is about the size of my bathtub, is by far my least favorite airport in the entire world. If you are in Dothan, you are flying Delta to Atlanta (see above for all the fun Atlanta has to offer once - or if - you get there).  If your flight isn’t as full as Delta would like it to be, they will claim vague delays until the next scheduled flight and simply combine them.  Local TSA staff may or may not be there to open the screening checkpoint, so even on the off-chance that your flight wasn't delayed before, TSA will make sure that it is. Hopefully you won't crave a cup of coffee while you wait, as the coffee in the airport cafe isn’t fit for human or animal consumption.  To top all this off, your grand Dothan experience comes at a price - you will have to sell one of your kidneys on the black market to afford all this.  I highly recommend going to Paris instead - it’s cheaper and and better for your blood pressure.

The entire aviation industry seems to tick people off these days, but not everything is a nightmare.  I'll cover my favorite U.S. airports in the next post.  There are some good ones out there, I promise.

A stamp-happy country

India is all about some stamps.  Not the postage variety, not tramp stamps, but ink-on-paper stamps.  Apparently, it makes everything legitimate.  And for some odd reason, this completely fascinates me.  The best example I have of this is my domestic flight experience this past weekend where we flew from Delhi to Aurangabad.  I'll compare the domestic US flight experience with the domestic India flight experience:

1.  Online check-in

• US:  Got your boarding pass already?  Great - go straight to security so fewer people have to deal with you.
• India:  Got your boarding pass already?  *Golf clap*  You still have to come to the ticket counter because we have to stamp it.  If we don't stamp it, it's not a real boarding pass.

2.  Security checkpoint and carry-on items

• US:  Take your shoes off or we'll whisk you aside and strip search you.  Take your 3-oz liquids out of your luggage because we enjoy watching you get pissed off.  And now that we've looked at your luggage and a grainy image of your body, put your clothes back on and get out of our way.
• India:  We don't care to look carefully at your shoes or your bag of liquids.  Shoot, you can keep your giant bottle of water for all we care.  BUT - you have to put these paper tags on each piece of carry on luggage, and we have to stamp them when they come out of the x-ray machine.  If you don't have the tag with a stamp, you might be a terrorist.

3.  Boarding at the gate

• US:  You have a boarding pass with the right flight number?  Good.  Get out of my way and go sit in your seat.  And don't you dare put your jacket in the overhead bin.
•  India:  You have a boarding pass with the right flight number?  Ok, that's a start.  Wait - is it stamped...?  Oh, there it is, ok.  Now give me your ID - ok, the names match.  Let me check that boarding pass stamp one more time - ok, it's still there.  Now show me your luggage tags - do they have the Security Stamp of Approval?  Good.  But you still need another stamp.  Go over to this table so these nice people can halfheartedly hand-search your carry-ons and put yet another stamp on the luggage tags.  Great.  You may now wander all over the tarmac in the general direction of that plane over there.  Once you are done with your tour of the tarmac, please proceed to the bottom of the staircase leading up to the door of the plane so that yet one more person can check your boarding pass to make sure it's stamped.  You may now get on the plane and find your seat.

4.  Stopping at another city enroute to final destination (i.e., a direct flight, but not a non-stop flight)

• US:  Whatever.  Just stay on the plane and don't bother us.  Get up, go to the stinky pantry-sized bathroom, do anything you like except exit the aircraft.
• India:  You must wait for everyone getting off at this city to deplane.  Now you must stay in the general area of your seat until you confirm which carry-on items are yours because we have to put an "In Transit" sticker on each item.  No, you cannot use the bathroom until you have the official "In Transit" stickers on all your items.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect 200 rupees.  WAIT FOR THE STICKER GUY.

5.  Deplaning at destination

• US:  Whatever.  Just get out of here.
• India:  Wait!  You are not allowed off the aircraft until we check your boarding pass - again - and make sure that you have the appropriate stamp on it - again.  Ok, you're good to go.  You may exit the aircraft now.  

By the time we landed, I was in possession of one boarding pass stamp, 2 carry-on luggage security stamps (really, 4 stamps since I had 2 small bags), and one in-transit sticker. My boarding pass was checked 6 times.  I am SO legit!