I'm sure you've seen that poor TSA screener - the guy sitting next to the x-ray machine trying to distinguish what's in your stuff from the image the x-ray shoots at him. He must have extraordinary concentration abilities. I do not. I would either get fired, or a plane would blow up because of me. And then I would definitely get fired. And you have to be a very, um, "special" person to get fired from a government job.
Thanks to this screener's training and lack of ADD, I've had my bag searched for some rather silly things, though. Well, I think they're silly. Here are the top 5 things in my luggage that have set off someone's danger radar at a checkpoint:
1. A jar of peanut butter. Yes, peanut butter apparently looks very dangerous when packed in a suitcase. Why pack peanut butter for a trip? Because it is wonderfully tasty and delicious. No other reason needed. Peanut butter rocks.
2. That mini bottle of lotion that you threw in your bag as you left your hotel room for the airport. Yeah... they don't like that very much. But I don't like dry hands.
3. A pitch pipe. You think my middle C is dangerous? Wait until you hear my F sharp! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
4. A CD walkman. Hey, it was a long time ago, ok? Never mind that I still probably have that thing in a storage container somewhere...
5. A tub of Vaseline. Don't judge. My skin is seriously dry, yes I put Vaseline on it, and I don't care what you or TSA think about that.
So there you have it. If you try to carry any of the above items with you onto an airplane, expect to make friends with the TSA agent(s) at your nearest friendly checkpoint. Just try to remember that your new friends are actually paying attention to their job. Happy flying, y'all.
Thanks to this screener's training and lack of ADD, I've had my bag searched for some rather silly things, though. Well, I think they're silly. Here are the top 5 things in my luggage that have set off someone's danger radar at a checkpoint:
1. A jar of peanut butter. Yes, peanut butter apparently looks very dangerous when packed in a suitcase. Why pack peanut butter for a trip? Because it is wonderfully tasty and delicious. No other reason needed. Peanut butter rocks.
2. That mini bottle of lotion that you threw in your bag as you left your hotel room for the airport. Yeah... they don't like that very much. But I don't like dry hands.
3. A pitch pipe. You think my middle C is dangerous? Wait until you hear my F sharp! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
4. A CD walkman. Hey, it was a long time ago, ok? Never mind that I still probably have that thing in a storage container somewhere...
5. A tub of Vaseline. Don't judge. My skin is seriously dry, yes I put Vaseline on it, and I don't care what you or TSA think about that.
So there you have it. If you try to carry any of the above items with you onto an airplane, expect to make friends with the TSA agent(s) at your nearest friendly checkpoint. Just try to remember that your new friends are actually paying attention to their job. Happy flying, y'all.
