November 5, 2012

Dear TSA: sorry about that...

After kind-of-but-not-really complaining about a few of my innocent belongings that rose suspicions from the TSA, I suppose I should be fair and admit to a few not-so-innocent items that I accidentally went through a security checkpoint with and didn’t get caught.  They key word here is “accidentally” - you know, in case John Pistole is reading my blog.  

  1. Pepper spray.  I used to keep pepper spray on my keychain, and while getting ready for a particularly early flight (like, before 10am) to Alabama one morning, I was all fuzzy-brained from the early hour winning over my mild caffeine consumption.  I totally forgot to take it off my keychain.  Oops...
  2. Pepper spray - again.  Well, I made it down to Alabama with it, so why not see if I could get back home with it?  The pepper spray made the round trip without even a glance from security.
  3. Cuban cigars.  Ok, those totally weren’t an accident.  I mean, no one *accidentally* packs Cubans in their suitcase.  
  4. Tube of Vaseline.  You should know after reading this post that I freakin’ love Vaseline.  It’s the best defense against dry skin and chapped lips that I’ve ever found.  I will go to great lengths to keep Vaseline within arms reach, and I am not even slightly ashamed to admit that. Which means that this one wasn’t actually an accident either...
  5. Huge tube of lip gloss.  Hey, I’m a girl, and I like a little makeup, ok?  I’m also lazy, and I don’t want to have to dig around for my ziplock baggie full of miniature liquid products in order to make my lips look shiny and fabulous.  So I keep the lip gloss in a more accessible location, which is pretty much anywhere but in that stupid ziplock bag (I hate that rule).  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so this one was no accident, either.  

Ok, FINE.  Only the pepper spray was an accident, and that was only an accident the first time.  I don’t have any sinister plans involving Vaseline and cigars - I promise.  I just want to win the war against chapped lips and perhaps enjoy a nice cigar or 3 along the way.  


  1. That list reads like a MacGyver must have list for building an intercontinental missile.

    1. He can take out Pyongyang from an airplane. I can have a good smoke, sexy non-chapped lips, and keep scum from stealing my wallet. MacGyver wins that one! However, if it had been MacGruber, he would have gotten caught at the security checkpoint.