The first prep race for China

The Great Wall Marathon may be over a year away, but the preparation has already started.  When I announced my plans to run it, my friend Stacy asked if I'd like to run a half marathon with her in Chesapeake, Virginia - the Dismal Swamp Stomp - which took place this past weekend.

Stacy is kind of not human.  She's done 6 marathons, a few half Ironmans, maybe even a full Ironman (I can't remember), and she gave birth to her second child a mere three months ago.  Half marathon 3 months postpartum?  No problem.  If you're Stacy, that is.  If that were me, I'd still be trying to cross the finish line.

This small, flat race was scheduled for a Saturday morning.  That meant fighting traffic leaving DC on a Friday after work, which is never, ever, ever even remotely enjoyable.  Chris and I left just after 5pm.  Thanks to a horrific truck accident hours earlier, we averaged a whopping 35 mph the entire trip.  6 hours after we left DC, we arrived at the hotel that I Hotwire-ninja'd a few weeks back.

I hate driving.  The only thing I hate more than driving is driving in DC.  And this is why.

After not enough hours of sleep, it was race time.  The weather simply couldn't have been more perfect - sunny, low humidity, and temperatures in the low 60s.  I was hydrated and had downed plenty of coffee, but I was still feeling the 6 hour car ride and the lack of sleep.  As we took off, Chris was napping happily in the car.  I was a tad jealous.

The course was an out-and-back that followed a canal trail through the Great Dismal Swamp.  The name sounds like something that will suck the life out of you, but the course was beautiful.  And flat.  Gloriously flat.

I actually thought I had a shot at finishing in under 2 hours.  Then I hit mile 11.  Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Mile 11 was my come-to-Jesus mile.  Why am I doing this?  I should just walk.  Why the hell did I drive 6 hours is infuriating traffic to do this to myself?  Is that bird mocking me?  What am I doing with my life?  Why am I running on a perfectly beautiful Saturday morning?  I should be getting ready to go sit on my ass and drink mimosas and then take a nap.  WHY DO I HATE FUN?

And then just past the 12.5 mile marker, I started to hear people cheering.  Racers that had already finished had ventured back down the course to cheer us on.  Spectators at the finish line were yelling.  

I picked up my pace a little bit.  I got to the finish where the crowds were, including Chris waiting with his iPhone to take a picture.  I tried to not look wiped the hell out.  When I saw the picture later, I just looked kind of constipated.  I can live with that.

Stacy finished a few minutes later, beating her goal time by about 2 minutes.  She rocks.

Stacy's family came over, and we made our way over to the post-race area, where we found runner refreshments of pizza and beer.

Pizza and beer!  At 10am!  This is why I do this.  This is why we drove 6 hours in traffic.  Screw you, waterfowl, I have beer.  This is why I ran 13.1 miles on a beautiful Saturday morning.  THIS IS FUN.

Even better, Stacy gave me her beer tickets since she's nursing a 3 month old.  More beer for Chris and me.  I read once that beer is a good recovery drink.  I don't care if it is or not.  I'm rolling with it, and please don't tell me otherwise.

It was absolutely perfect outside at this point.  Sunny, breezy, perfect temperature, band playing, good friends, and pizza and beer at 10am in a beautiful state park in southern Virginia.  And I beat my old half marathon time by 9.5 minutes (!).

The next morning, Stacy's 3 year-old son was at the hotel breakfast table wearing a Superman outfit.  As you do.  I almost asked him where he got it, but I realized I knew the answer.  He gets it from his mama. Stacy is definitely Superwoman - with super ideas like traveling to run flat half marathons in the glorious springtime weather.  I'm beyond happy that she invited me to join in the fun (traffic and mile 11 be damned) and happy that we both had great races because of it. Now I just have to run twice that distance on the Great Wall of China.  GAH.

How to make a traffic jam fun

While in Chilean wine country, Rachel, Jason, Janie, and I came up with a foolproof way to make your next traffic jam awesome.  Take notes, people.  You'll definitely want to remember this next time you're stuck going 5 mph during rush hour and start cursing the minivan in front of you with a stick figure family on it's back windshield.

Step 1:  Ensure driver of the vehicle has consumed much liquid.

Step 2:  Remind driver of this consumption when traffic comes to a stop so that he/she realizes a toilet is needed, yet none is available.

Step 3:  Convince driver that a real toilet is not necessary, and the side of the road will work just fine.

Note the absence of a driver

Step 4:  Laugh hysterically when traffic starts moving, but your driver is still watering the plants on the side of the highway.

Step 5:  Buy strawberries (or other food product of choice) from someone trolling the side of the road.

Step 6: Laugh harder when traffic starts driving around your still stopped vehicle.

Step 7:  Eat strawberries between fits of laughter.

Step 8:  Laugh harder still when driver returns to vehicle.  Make fun of the driver as long as desired.

Cows rule

The streets here in India are pure insanity.  They are full of cars, large trucks, auto rickshaws, bicycle rickshaws, garden-variety bicycles, scooters, pedestrians, and my personal favorite - livestock.  And by livestock, I mean cows.  Sure, I've seen the occasional goat, donkey, and monkey crossing the road or standing on the side (and eating trash), but it's the cows that truly take the cake.  There are cows grazing in the median, leisurely crossing the road, and my personal favorite - sitting all relaxed in the middle of the road like it's a Starbucks with soothing jazz music.

Chillin' like a bovine villain

This isn't an occasional occurrence, nor do they merely do this when traffic is light.  Major roads with gridlock traffic don't deter them from taking a break.  The cows have the right-of-way, and they will sit down in the middle of your lane for afternoon tea and median-grazing whenever they dadgum please.  The fact that you and 1,000 of your best friends are passing within inches of them and honking horns like the world is coming to an end doesn't bother them in the least. 

Dude, what's the big rush?

I can get tired of the throngs of people, the horrible traffic, the god-awful roads, the hawkers, and the humidity here in India, but the cows simply do not cease to crack me up.  I know this sounds udderly (HAHA) ridiculous, but this is one of my favorite things about this country!