Yogurt wars

Southerners love sweet tea, fried chicken, BBQ, Krispy Kreme donuts, collard greens, and more fried animal/vegetable/starch.  What southerners apparently do not love is yogurt.  At least, not the yogurt I want to eat.  Because really, if not what I want, clearly it’s not important.

Every time I come back to Alabama, I have issues with pretty much every grocery store I step foot in.  The Grocery Store gods mercilessly mock me down here.  One of my standard snacks (or breakfast, whatever) is plain lowfat soy, goat milk, or Greek yogurt with fresh fruit.  I freakin’ love it.  Give me a mango and slap some yogurt on top, and I’m blissfully happy.  Ok, anything with a mango will make me blissfully happy.  But back to my yogurt  trials and tribulations.  

I think it’s illegal to sell yogurt made from goat milk down here.  I’ve never seen it.  Also, soy yogurt is nearly impossible to find.  I’ve found only one type (at the craptastic Winn Dixie, of all places - go figure), and it’s rather subpar.  The fancy-pants Fresh Market doesn’t carry soy yogurt at all, which, quite frankly, shocked me.

So I’m left with the Greek yogurt, which has popped up everywhere.  I know, it’s probably a fad just like cupcakes are all the rage right now.  But I don’t care.  I drank the Kool-Aid, and I like it.  And I’ll admit, I drank the cupcake Kool-Aid, too.  I LOVE cupcakes. 

After arriving in Alabama this week, the first thing I did was hit up ye olde Winn Dixie.  I braced myself for a lack of... well, everything.  It lived up to its expectation.  I sauntered up to the yogurt case and had two choices for Greek yogurt:  fruit-flavored low-fat yogurt and nonfat plain yogurt.  

I admit, I’m being hyper-picky about my yogurt.  But really, is low-fat plain Greek yogurt that highbrow?  I’m not the chick that goes to Starbucks and orders a grande half-caf soy caramel cinnamon macchiato with an extra shot of espresso and sugar-free vanilla syrup.  I get coffee and drink it black (ok, FINE, I actually get an Americano).  I don’t want hoity-toity yogurt.  I want it plain, and I want a little fat in it.  Is this too much to ask?

I stood in front of that yogurt case for a good 5 minutes with a scowl on my face.  A store employee that seems to be stocking the dairy aisle every time I’m there was 30 feet away.  This is probably the 4th or 5th time he’s seen me loitering in front of the yogurt glaring at the selection.  I could tell he recognized me.  I settled for the nonfat plain Greek yogurt and went home.

Cows rule

The streets here in India are pure insanity.  They are full of cars, large trucks, auto rickshaws, bicycle rickshaws, garden-variety bicycles, scooters, pedestrians, and my personal favorite - livestock.  And by livestock, I mean cows.  Sure, I've seen the occasional goat, donkey, and monkey crossing the road or standing on the side (and eating trash), but it's the cows that truly take the cake.  There are cows grazing in the median, leisurely crossing the road, and my personal favorite - sitting all relaxed in the middle of the road like it's a Starbucks with soothing jazz music.

Chillin' like a bovine villain

This isn't an occasional occurrence, nor do they merely do this when traffic is light.  Major roads with gridlock traffic don't deter them from taking a break.  The cows have the right-of-way, and they will sit down in the middle of your lane for afternoon tea and median-grazing whenever they dadgum please.  The fact that you and 1,000 of your best friends are passing within inches of them and honking horns like the world is coming to an end doesn't bother them in the least. 

Dude, what's the big rush?

I can get tired of the throngs of people, the horrible traffic, the god-awful roads, the hawkers, and the humidity here in India, but the cows simply do not cease to crack me up.  I know this sounds udderly (HAHA) ridiculous, but this is one of my favorite things about this country!