Things hawkers around the world have tried to sell to me

Many countries around the world are full of enterprising individuals who try to eke out a living by selling things to foreign visitors.  They can get downright pushy and aggressive in some places, which can be a tad shocking - that doesn’t exactly happen very often in ye olde U.S. of A.  They can also offer up some pretty strange items in exchange for cold hard cash. More than once, I’ve been stopped in my tracks and rendered speechless by an aggressive hawker bearing strange items that he is thoroughly convinced I can’t live without.  Below are the top 6 items that hawkers have tried to sell me at one point or another:

1. A large whip (India).  Because my trip into Agra Fort would be incomplete without... a whip.
2. Sticks (Guatemala).  Actually, the 5-yr old girl that scared the daylights out of me with said stick was on to something.  It would have been a rather useful while hiking back down from Volcan Pacaya.  Oh, well.
3. Toy frogs (Thailand).  I don’t know about you, but when I think of Thailand, I immediately think, “Oh yeah, frogs! Awesome.” Ok, no.  No one thinks that. 
4. Sunglasses (Vietnam).  Hey, sunglasses are useful.  If you’re not already wearing a pair.  Which I was.  I was offered sunglasses more times than I can remember in Vietnam.  And I was wearing my own sunglasses every single time.
5. A large live lizard (Egypt).  I suppose I looked either lonely or hungry, and he thought I could use a pet - or dinner.
6. Henna tattoos at a political protest (India).  Yes, I realize that the first issue here is that I was wandering around in the middle of a political protest.  But in my defense, it resembled a holiday celebration in a park more than a protest.  People were cooking out, talking and laughing, and there was a dude walking around selling stuffed unicorns.  In fact, the only aggression I encountered came from young women trying to force henna tattoos onto my hands.  On more than one occasion that evening, a woman would suddenly grab my hand, which I immediately yanked back.  She would then grab it again with much more force, and yell “Hennaaaaa!!” like some primeval war cry. With a death grip on my hand and a possessed look in her eyes, she would hold a henna pen up in the air with her other hand.  The pen would start to descend, gathering strength and force as it came closer and closer to my captive hand.  The deranged smile on the woman’s face would grow as the pen narrowed the distance. A split second before the pen would intercept my valued appendage, I would shriek and gather enough strength to wrestle my hand from the woman’s death grip and narrowly miss the stabbing.  And then I would run away, only to have my hand grabbed by the next violent henna tattoo artist.  Lather, rinse, repeat. I would have much rather been chased by the guy selling the unicorns.

Is that your trunk or are you just happy to see me?

Today is my last day in Chiang Mai, something that I am rather sad about.  This is truly my Asia happy place (so far).  Yesterday I had an absolute ball spending the day at the Elephant Nature Park just 60 km north of Chiang Mai.  Elephants are a central part of the culture and religion in Thailand, but the unfortunate truth is that their numbers are dwindling quickly.  Elephants have traditionally been domesticated here (by very unfriendly methods, to put it lightly) for hard work purposes such as logging, and later on for entertainment.  The use of elephants for logging was made illegal a few years back, so all the elephants that were used for that purpose were suddenly out on the streets - some of them, quite literally.  It is not unknown for elephants to be seen with their keepers out on the streets begging or doing small tricks for money.  On top of that, domesticated elephants are considered to be livestock and have no legal protection whatsoever.  Enter Elephant Nature Park - the woman that began the park wanted to save at least some of these elephants from a nasty fate, so she began taking in used and abused elephants.  Some of them have truly tragic stories.  A couple of the younger ones were resuced as babies, having lost their mothers before they could fend for themselves.  The park does not provide elephant rides, nor do they allow the elephants to perform tricks.  The elephants are simply allowed to be as free as they can be.  In order to sustain the park, the owner opened it up for ecotourism.  For as little as a single day, people can come in small groups to help feed and bathe the elephants, which is what I did.  I had heard rave reviews about this park and the day-long experience, so I went for it.

I was a tad worried that I might not have the same incredible experience as some other people since I've done safaris and seen elephants in the wild before.  Those worries were completely unfounded.  I had a blast!  First of all, the park's setting in the mountains and on a river was just stunning.  But getting hands-on experience with these elephants was nothing short of wonderful.  As we watched them, fed them, and helped douse them with water for a bath in the river, all of us there got to learn their individual personalities and more about how elephants in general interact and behave.  We also got to watch a short documentary that taught us more about the park, the owner's ambition and love for these animals, and more about their history within Thailand.  The experience was a bit pricey for Thailand, but it was worth every baht.  And at the end, I even got a kiss from one of the babies.  I am so sold on this place!

You dirty beast, you.

I'm going to love him and squeeze him and call him George.

Markets and motor scooters FTW

It's official:  Chiang Mai is my new happy place.  There are coffee shops with fantastic coffee on every corner, the street food is rocking my world, and NO ONE has gotten in my face to sell me anything or take my picture.  And there are mountains.  Take me drunk, I'm home!  Wait... I'm only on my first beer... scratch that first part for now.

I arrived here yesterday.  After taking the nap that I'd been dreaming of for about 24 hours, I went out to see the Sunday Night Walking Market.  I have to admit, often times crowded markets and even tamer places like, say, Macy's, overwhelm me and I quickly decide that I am too bombarded with stuff to even look at anything.  Strangely, this did not happen at the Sunday market.  Shoot, I walked around for nearly 4 hours!  Multiple streets were lined with vendors selling food, drinks, shakes, clothing, fabric, knick-knack junk, silver, wood, you name it.  I began with the best pad thai I have ever had.  It cost less than a dollar, and it was served to me in a banana leaf bowl.  I topped that off with a coconut milkshake that rocked my entire world.  As I walked, I came upon a few Buddhist temples and thought, well, I'm here... might as well check them out. 

I also came across some interesting nibbles for sale.

Today I did something that is a perfectly normal tourist activity here, but will send my family into a good southern tizzy - I rented a motor scooter and drove up to the top of a mountain to see the great golden Doi Suthep temple (note to family:  STOP PANICKING.  I've already turned the scooter back in).  Have I ever driven a scooter before?  Um, no.  Have I ever driven on the "other side" of the road before?  Actually yes, but not much.  Could I read the road signs?  Bah.  No need for that.  All I needed was insurance and a helmet.  Done! 

The drive up the mountain was beautiful, and this temple is an amazing sight.  I mean, other temples around here are gold and red and whatnot, but this temple is freakin' GOLD.  The views from the mountain top location weren't too shabby, either. 

I took my time wandering around.  This place was well worth it.  And as a final parting shot, here is my trusty steed and I (said steed cost less than $10 to rent).

A Vague Plan for Asia

This is how my thought process goes these days:  "Taj Mahal! mango! beach! beer! One Night in Bangkok! pho! mountains! temples! monkeys! beer! mango! monsoon! palm trees! beer! pad thai! fish sauce! Ankor Wat! mountains! curry! beer! where's my passport? zzzzzzzzzzzzz..."  I leave for Asia in less than 2 weeks, and I feel like I have Happy Tourette's because I'm just that excited (mango!!).  Thankfully, my itinerary is more or less set, and I have official permission to enter all the countries I plan to visit.  Here is the basic plan:

India

• Delhi
• Agra - going to India without seeing the Taj Mahal would be a cardinal sin
• Explore the caves at Ellora and Ajanta
• Eat an Alphonso mango or 20 (mangogasm!)

Thailand

• Bangkok
• Chiang Mai

Vietnam

• Hanoi
• Sapa
• Halong Bay
• Hoi An
• Ho Chi Minh City (formerly known as Saigon)
• Run around the Mekong Delta and hope not to be taken hostage by the mosquitoes

Cambodia

• Phnom Panh
• Siem Reap and Ankor Wat

Hopefully you'll notice that "getting thrown in a third world country jail" is conspicuously absent from the list.  More details to come later!