July 7, 2013

GART Report #1: Crazy drivers and pigs

Thus far, the GART has produced two types of encounters: those with crazy drivers, and pigs.

Crazy Driver #1:  A large pickup truck turned the wrong way down a one-way street, headed directly toward us.  Instead of stopping and turning around, he enacted the My-Vehicle-Is-Bigger-Than-Yours logic to determine right-of-way, forced us to maneuver around him, and then proceeded to turn the wrong way down yet another one-way street to finally correct his original error.  Stay classy, sir.

Crazy Driver #2: We came upon a man in an old sedan in southern Virginia that saw no need to keep a constant speed (anywhere between 40 mph and 80 mph was fine) nor to keep in a single lane.  Although he momentarily changed his mind about that last part when his car came within inches of an intimate encounter with a guardrail.  And after this encounter, he poked his hand through the sunroof and pointed at the sky.  As we passed him during one of his 40 mph phases, he shoved his hand out the window and pointed upward - again.  After more weaving and speed changes, he revved on up to us, cut us off, took the next exit, and forcefully pointed upward yet again. I'm pretty sure he saw our DC plates and decided that we were government spies sent to chase him down, because surely he's doing something amazing and important with his life that the federal government would want to put a stop to.

Crazy Driver #3:  A guy was driving down the sidewalk in Townsend, Tennessee.  As you do.

Now for the part you were really interested in - the pigs.  Humans behind the wheel are fine, but pigs are awesome.  Right?

Pig #1:  As we drove through the glorious neon tackiness of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, one sign stood out from all the rest - the Mind Reading Pig.  Forget the Hatfield & McCoy dinner theater, the Titanic recreation on the side of the highway (complete with an iceberg!), and the Dixie Stampede.  THERE'S A MIND-READING PIG IN TENNESSEE.  I had to wonder if it's a distant cousin of the fortune-telling guinea pig in Bulgaria.  We didn't get a chance to find this gloriously talented swine specimen, but that's on my list of things to check out next time I'm in that part of the world.

Pig #2:  Roadside America is a nifty little site to check out if you're in the market for off-the-wall attractions on your GART.  It just so happened that we were passing through Dothan, Alabama - home to the Monument to the Hog.  We hadn't done anything touristy at this point in the trip, so a view of this scrap metal pig was in order.  As we rounded a curve in the highway and the hog came into sight, my jaw dropped.  The hog had a University of Alabama jersey painted onto it.  Having going to the rival school, I was less than amused by this unfortunate barnyard fashion choice.  Roadside America rates the Monument to the Hog as "worth a detour".  I wholeheartedly disagree.  People, the only barnyard animal that should be involved in football is the cow that's used to make the football itself.

And now, I feel like having some pork and driving the right way down a one-way street.  

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