October 13, 2011

Redneck entertainment

While re-acquainting myself with the deep south off-and-on over the past few months, I've been greatly entertained by many of my experiences.  While a few of them frustrated me in the moment, I managed to laugh at them later on and chalk it up to free entertainment.  For anyone who thinks that entertaining nutballs only reside in large cities like New York, I invite you to come down south and have a look around.  Here are some of my favorite entertaining experiences in Alabama and beyond from the last 6 months:

Seen at Walmart on a single Saturday night (come on, you knew WalMart was going to be involved):
  1. Three hookers
  2. An Elvis impersonator pumping gas, who, upon cutting in line to pay the cashier, told her, "Thank you, thank you very much."
  3. A beauty queen also pumping gas while wearing her gown, sash, and cheap, oversized tiara.
If I'd been able to take pictures without being completely obvious, all of this would now be on People of Walmart for your entertainment, as well.  So now that we have Walmart out of the way, here are the rest of my favorite encounters:
  1. A yellow Hummer H2 with a tag where the license plate should have been that read, "Eat No Cooter"
  2. A man on a remote interstate overpass waving wildly and holding a "Jesus Loves You" sign
  3. A grocery store clerk that was freaked out by hummus
  4. A 20-minute ordeal in the dairy aisle in which a man thought I would much prefer to hear all about his children and his views on our "Communist president" than ponder the varieties of yogurt.
Many southerners refer to their respective neck of the woods as "God's country".  If this is true, God has one crazy sense of humor.  I dig it (most of the time).  I may have to make more trips to Walmart solely for the entertainment factor.  


  1. Dudette, I got a taxi driver a few months ago who was a conspiracy theorist and I made the mistake of being morbidly curious and saying things like, "I've never heard that theory, can you explain?"

    I realized my mistake as we pulled up outside my house and he said, "Well, it would be great to continue this conversation sometime - it's so good to find someone else who hasn't been brainwashed by the establishment."

    I thought, "Oh, crap, he knows where I live. Eff." And then I said, "Sorry, I'm Jewish." He looked shocked and allowed me to run away.


  2. HA! Great response! I hope that's the last time you saw him ;-) The man that trapped me in the dairy aisle was shocked to hear that I actually lived in DC with all the Communists, which gave me a brief moment to shovel some yogurt in my cart and run away. I didn't even see what kind of yogurt I'd purchased until I'd gotten home.

  3. you could have picked the most commie pinko yogurt possible as a hint... like greek yogurt activia with raspberry or something. maybe then he would have understood!

  4. Commie yogurt. That is brilliant. :) If I see him again, we'll have to have a throwdown - what's more communist - our president, or THIS yogurt??

  5. The fact that there was a choice in the dairy section is not very communist, though.